


Panic

by AceOnIce



Series: Quarantined AU [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Anxiety, Bathing/Washing, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Like all the cuddles, M/M, Magnus Bane Has Panic Attacks, No Sex, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Nudity, Panic Attacks, quarantined
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23455495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceOnIce/pseuds/AceOnIce
Summary: Magnus has a panic attack and mistakes it for Covid-19 symptoms. Alec is there to calm him down.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Quarantined AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687339
Comments: 18
Kudos: 137





	Panic

**Author's Note:**

> So I have anxiety. Like all the time. But Covid-19 has made it worse and now I have anxiety *and* constantly worry about my breathing. This is just me projecting the experience onto Magnus.
> 
> Please be careful if you're prone to anxiety or are excessively worried about coronavirus. This fic isn't dark, but the constant mentions of the virus plus Magnus thinking he's sick might be triggering, so read with caution.

Magnus bolts awake, sweating and breathing too hard.

His hand fumbles for the lamp as he sucks in shallow breath after shallow breath. He finds the chain and pulls, letting dim light flood the room, only to squint against the sudden onslaught of color and light. He sinks backwards, curling in on himself, pressing his hand to his chest. He tries to find the movement of his breath, but he can’t breathe. 

A hand on his shoulder makes him jump. “Magnus? What’s wrong?” 

“I can’t breathe,” he responds, on the verge of tears. _He has it. He has the virus. In New York City. The hospitals are overcrowded already. He’s going to die._

“Magnus, you're hyperventilating, hey, look at me.” 

Alec’s hands on his shoulders force him to turn, to make eye contact. Magnus whimpers and ducks his head. “My chest hurts.” 

“Let’s get some you some water, okay?” 

Magnus nods hesitantly. Alec leaves the bed first, holding out his hand for Magnus. Magnus clings to him with one hand, the other staying on his chest, monitoring his off-kilter breathing. He feels dizzy as he follows Alec to the kitchen. 

Alec pours him a glass of water and he chugs it. 

“Does your throat hurt?” Alec asks, his voice soft. His thumb rubs circles on the back of Magnus' hand.

Magnus sets the empty glass on the counter. “No, it’s just dry, but- I, I can’t breathe Alec.”

The panic in his voice comes through loud and clear. Alec pulls him into an embrace. 

“Just try to breathe for a minute, okay? We can take your temperature as soon as your body adjusts. You were under the blankets, it might not be accurate if we take it now.” 

Magnus hangs onto Alec like an over-grown koala. His eyes are watering, but, out of sheer stubbornness, he refuses to let the tears fall. His voice still breaks when he says, “I’m scared.” 

“I know, it’s okay, it’s alright. I’ve got you.” 

They stay like that until Alec deems it’s been long enough to take his temperature. Magnus sticks the thermometer under his tongue and rests his forehead against Alec’s shoulder. His chest still hurts, every breath shaking through him, too shallow. 

The thermometer beeps and Magnus reads it. 97.6 degrees Fahrenheit. A normal temperature. On the low end even. 

Alec puts the thermometer away before rubbing his hands up and down Magnus’ arms. “No temperature. No cough.” 

“Then why does it hurt to breathe?” 

“Magnus... Have you ever had an anxiety attack?” He shakes his head. Alec smiles softly, sadly, back at him. “I think you’re having a panic attack. Your heart has been racing since you woke up.” 

Magnus swallows. _A panic attack._

“I’ve never... Why would I have one now?” 

Alec’s eyebrows raise. “Maybe the current state of chaos and alarm right outside our doorstep? Or because you found out right before bed that Catarina tested positive yesterday."

He’s making a lot of sense, Magnus realizes in his dazed state. He pulls Alec over to the couch so he can better cuddle him, pressing every part of their bodies together. He settles a hand on Alec’s stomach. “I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, you don’t have to apologize. It’s just a panic attack. It’s not something you control.” 

Magnus hums, but it doesn’t erase his guilt. “I’m sorry I got so worked up about it.” 

“Not something you control,” Alec repeats, brushing his damp hair from his forehead. Magnus realizes he must be gross, but as the anxiety fades, he’s left tired in a way that seeps into his bones. He doesn’t have the energy to shower yet. 

“I am worried about Cat,” he admits. 

None of them were surprised when she tested positive after working in close proximity with Covid-19 patients for several weeks, but it didn’t make it easier. “I’m worried about Madzie and Dot living with her. I know she’s being careful not to get them sick, but...” 

“It’s hard,” Alec agrees. “It sucks, I know. Why do you think I’ve been stress baking so much?” 

Magnus snorts, pressing his face into Alec’s chest. He smells like sleep and sandalwood. “I don’t think I can go back to sleep right now.” 

“That’s fine. Do you want to do something or stay like this?” 

It’s a tempting offer to stay cuddled up on the couch, but Alec’s palm is brushing along his back now and he thinks he’s probably smelly from sweat. “Can we take a bath?” 

“Of course.” 

It’s a struggle to unwrap themselves from each other and make it to Magnus’ bathroom, which has the bigger tub, but they do. Magnus pulls off his clothes as Alec turns on the water and shuffles through the essential oils cluttered against one side of the sink. He adds a few drops of lavender oil to the water and puts the bottle back before glancing at Magnus. His face goes red and he looks away instantly. 

Magnus picks at the gold polish on one of his nails. “You don’t have to stay with me, if you’re uncomfortable.” 

“I’m not uncomfortable,” Alec says too quickly. “I’m just... not used to you... being naked.” 

Magnus tests the water with his toe before sitting in the bathtub despite the low level of water. He watches Alec fidgeting with his pajama shirt. It doesn’t seem to matter that they’ve had sex, several times, or that they've seen each other naked before. He still seems on edge. Magnus extends the offer tentatively, “You’re welcome to join me.” 

Alec hesitates, lifting his chin to meet Magnus’ eyes. “I’ve never...” 

“Bathed with someone?” When Alec nods, Magnus hums. He washes his hair as he speaks, ridding it of the sweat from his earlier anxiety attack. “It can be very intimate. It _can_ be steamy, of course, but I would just like to be held right now, if you’re comfortable with it. I understand if you’re not and we can cuddle in bed when I’m done.” 

Before Magnus can finish speaking, Alec is pulling his shirt over his head. Magnus feels a spark of arousal at watching Alec undress, but he’s too tired to want to do anything about it. He scoots forward in the bathtub so Alec can slide in behind him. It takes a couple adjustments to fit together in the decidedly one-person-sized tub, but they make it work. With one of Alec’s legs slung over the edge of the tub. 

Magnus leans back against Alec’s chest, melting into the comfort of his embrace. “Thank you.” 

“You’ve helped me with anxiety more times than I can count. I don't mind returning the favor.” He presses a kiss to the top of Magnus’ head. 

“I love you,” Magnus says, interlacing their fingers. It’s only been three days since they started dating.

The words are still novel on his tongue, but he means them nonetheless. And he knows Alec means them too when he holds him tighter and says, “I love you too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Stay safe y'all <3


End file.
